Sunday, December 11, 2016

how to teach kids eat vege

common parenting issue here. first of all, i dont like vege and a picky one. so that makes it difficult for me to teach my kids on how to eat vege. second, since my kids only drink milk in the morning, it is important to ensure they have all sort of nutrition from their main meal. 

kids (and me too) have tendancy to reject any food that comes in green colour (why is that i dont know) without even really know what they'll be taste like.  so my first rule is, try a bit. if you dont really like it, then its fine ( for not finishing it that day). no point of forcing them to eat ( when i know i had a hard time to finish my vege). but try first. if they dont complain (but have this 'not enjoying it' face'), ask them to try another. 

experiment with the likes and what not and how they want it to be cook or served.  like me or any adult we have our own preferences. so does the kids.  some like cucumber with sandwich but some like having it alone. some like to eat green peas only if there's a mix of sweetcorn as well. no matter ridiculous of how they want it to have, try to find a way. it didnt take one day to know their favourite.  probably months. just try it differently. take your time. efforts count.

how to know what they like or not. try to talk to them. org kata jgn bercakap masa makan. but in this case, you can - with manners of course (jangan la mulut penuh nasi nak juga becakap). ask question like what are you eating,  what colour, how many carrot you have on your plate, how does it taste (sweet/ bitter/ yucky/ delicious/ soft), talk about shape/texture of the vege. so while you explaining or asking, they probably eating two or three carrot already (yay!). or if they hsve siblings, make a race of who can finish their vege first. dont have to include everything in one meal time. make different activity / questions for every other meal time (so u dont end up with same conversation esch time - boring!)

praise. with good words like high5 , you did a good eating, good job for finish your food/meal, yayy to empty plate. always reasoning to why you praise them so they know oh i was a good boy because i finish my meal. same goes treat after meal. say - i give this chocolate because just now you finish your vege. (btw, if you want to give a treat for kids its okay as long as you give them with meals --- not as snacking. maknanya,  after meal terus bagi instead of tunggu lagi 2-3 hours utk snack time. from dental POV,  this to avoid multiple attack on the teeth . anyway, a dentist told me this).

last, groceries shopping. one way to introduce them to vege. i rarely asked them to assist me cooking (like cutting vege, clean it etc -- you cn do this too), because i like to do cooking all myself lebih cepat lol. so how i want to make them involve in preparing what they eat is i took them for groceries shopping. first, i asked them to make list. of course their list would include none of the vege. so teach and introduce some basic vege on the list. then when shopping ask them to find. you can talk with your children over meal of how they help you buy all the ingredients. 

let eat vege!!!!

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Oat

Since my birthday, where i istiqomah and dapat hidayah in my so called diet tu (tangan di dada mata ke atas), i made it through november. My breafkast now varies from english breafkast set, plain omellete and recently, the oat. Before this, i usually soak my oat overnight. It works fine but i had to have a lot of sweet berries to match my tastebud. But recently, i  went through Jamie Oliver Comfort Food Book (after lama tersimpan di rak dapur LOL), and found a classic recipe of oat that he usually had with his nan dan granddad when he was little. I give it a try and i totally love it, even without anything (berries or nuts).

It said, boil the oat with water, then let it simmer for few minutes. Then pour them in the bowl and let them cool for few seconds to a minute. So the oat will be set on the outside but wobbly/soft inside. (you got what i mean?) Then sprinkle brown sugar (sugar will slowly melt and caramelized on top of hot oat oh it is so beautiful) or pour in generous amount of golden syrup. Then right before you dig in,  pour in the cold milk in the corner . Oh My Word. When you dig in, you taste the warm oat with cold milk, and the sweetness of sugar/syrup that had gone through the oat.

And that. is my new level of breakfast. and it did not even took me so much time to prepare. i'll never look at oat ever the same again. you know - the disgust look. (i used to!)

make up

I dont have a whole wardrobe of them but i do have each or two for one feature. And i go simple, you know the normal one - moisturizer, powder, blusher, eye shadow, eyeliner and mascara. and im off. The least i do is put on a lipstick. Although i only do basic make up but i appreciate the beauty of it and pretty faces (insta and youtube much). Its so therapeutic these days watching those fast forwarding make up tutorial on instagram. (pondan punya make up tutorial pun layan je huhu).

Christmas is around the corner, and even though i dont buy anything but i love browsing the pretty chrismas gift set, the limited edition and when you went to the  store, goodness, the smells and the arranging of packing, the testing and everything is so pretty that i could sit there for hours at the beauty department, looking trying and not buying anything.

there always classic argue about make up between men and women. (just like issues on playstation and football - rolled eyes).

"Sayang, belikan ni, mascara" Then the husband made the 'face'. Then we came out with the default response "I cantik2 for you la"

Emm, i dont do make up for my husband although i always use that excuse for him to pay that for me. LOL. To be honest, it just to please my aging self. Double LOL. Because, i dont think men really care what shit we put on our face. You know why? Because many times, I came home (still in my make up, oh by the way its a smokey eye with nude lips so called the London Look by Victoria Beckham), straight away went to cooking. Its fish curry by the way. Le husband came home and asked me "Dah shower dah?". Its the code for - ya know get rid of the curry smeelllsss offf you babe.

So, i think, what the hell, at the end of the day, you wangi ke tak itu lebih penting ketika menyambut suami di muka pintu.

Ps: Maybe can ask him the perfume christmas gift set pula

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Wardahell

You can tell from the title that I've been watching current malay drama Surihati Mr Pilot. Its so funny sometimes my friends and I kept commenting and make jokes over the malay drama. Its more entertaining than the drama itself. *LOL*

I think from the amount of malay drama that Ive been watching, i probably could start writting a novel. Who knows if it'll be published and made into a drama. 

oh btw, my diet gone crash again. somebody was KIND enough to give me a whole box of chocolate. its the celebration box of chocolates - twix, maltese, snickers, you know all those things that made you want to eat it even when you're already halfway to your bedroom to sleep. SO evil lah that chocolates!

but, wardahell. diet can start again when the box is empty. 

Thursday, October 6, 2016

2 weeks post birthday

Slightly over a week. my sugar diet gone crash. down. 2 days before, i went to girls lunch and had a cake. yesterday, i ate a chocolate (dont ask how much), and today i went for a cup of latte.  terrible terrible.... but i had to give myself a huge pat on the shoulder like kapawwww pattt... dude, you totally avoid ben's cookies and that's awesome!

but on the good side, 1 week++ is better than nothing. still eating fruits everyday, and veges as main dish and munching on nuts everytime i think im going nuts over sweet things. Also plenty of water to the point i thought my bladder is going to burst.

its not helping though that tomorrow is bake and cake show. darn it.

Week 1 and Week 2 Sugar Diet Journal

Breakfast : Toast/ Eggs/ Avocado Eggs Toast & Almond Milk
Lunch : Nasi Melayu like usual lah
Snacking : Nuts and 2 kind of fruits (no banana)
Dinner : None or leftover lauk pauk tghari without nasi

For the next week ahead, I want to try chia seeds and some western food like the hot lady cook LOL Lots of my friends consume chia seeds and im beginning to wonder how effective it is, not until you try it yourself. i went to holland and barret the other day and bought one packet (half price at GBP2.70 i guess thats a good reason to start using it). buy first then only later googled what to do...


ah thanks to the latte today i can stay up and blogged. LOL


Sunday, September 25, 2016

32

yesterday was my birthday. alhamdulillah thank u Allah for the life that you gave me. and my mom whom i truly believe went through all the labour pain to get me out to this world and all the pain she bears after that due to my stubbornness, my words, my acts and whatever i did that might made her feel sad.

what a number. what a celebration. let just say, my favourite month has been so kind to me so far and that's including the weather. its getting a bit cold but a bit of sunshine every other day.

getting older means your body is aging too. i cannot deny that i am scare of my body health. although i did watch what i eat and exercise much as i can, but still its a concern. but at the end of the day, all i want is to be happy AND healthy. i dont really care much about body figures. im super skinny (tho i dont really fancy about being too skinny) but also has flabby arms and extra baby fat around my tummy and sometimes, given certain pose or clothes, i can look hideous. because once, i, too, a super skinny person, being mistaken as a pregnant lady. anyway, i already burnt that dress. at this age, im just going to please myself (but still instagram-able - mesti LOL).

anyway, after too much eating from yesterday, and you know, the summer's eating habit is at worse. totally. so, i have decided to make a change in my diet plan. that will go from today till 8 weeks. i will tell if it makes any different. physically and mentally. semoga istiqomah.

although september is very much ehem favourite, but birthday was over. so i am looking forward to october. we already booked a camping pod in peak district for another nature adventure this coming autumn break. i was told peak district is beautiful in autumn so i hope the weather being nice and we get to explore the place in peace. although i cannot imagine of packing and unpacking for a camping trip. gosh they fill up half the space in the car! the downside of camping is that you have to bring EVERYTHING but in small size/portion. how do you do that???? as much as i am a nature personn, i dont really favour camping. but i give ways to camping pod as they are slightly comfy than the tent LOL


Saturday, September 3, 2016

dream

i've had weird dream lately. and they were pretty much based on the k-drama that i watched except that i was in it. lol. #getcarriedaway

this december will marks our three years here. when someone said when will we be coming back home and i said end of next year, dec 2017. she said that's a long way to go. thats what i told myself 3 years ago when we decided to make a move here. and now, it's not that long way to go anymore. 

i am grateful that over the years plus few years before that, i get to explore this queen's land from north to south, west to east. still, there's more places that i wanted to go and see for myself. i want to go to see the longest name of town that you cant possibly pronounce it. i want to see the magical autumn of peak district. the cavern. the mountains and rivers and valleys that never bored me. the scenic train route that wont make u get off the train. surely i will miss this land. 

ah well, i'll be too lucky if i get to travel all i want and i know im not that lucky. cmon. i never win any lucky draw, that the first to tell. 

dream is free. i'll continue to dream all i want. for i know, i will be in it.

Friday, August 26, 2016

summer

we just came back from summer trip in lake district last few days. despite the weather, it was a fun trip. and tiring too. 3 full bags of laundry waiting for us post-vacay. it took my husband half day to do the laundry and more than 30 minutes for me to fold them. phew.

i straight away uploading all the pictures into the computers and started doing the photobook. I enjoy doing them. and i think i'm getting better at it haha.

another one week before the summer holiday ends. and the house will be just two of us, per daily. irfan will start the reception on 6th september oh how time flies. he's such a big and charming boy. i still cuddle him tight and suffocates him with my kisses. Izyan, oh how do i start with her. this cheeky little girl. she surprised me with lots of things. new words, new skills and her smiles oh makes me pinch her cheeks so hard because she's so cute.

my children. everyday they make me scream and yell and they cry and tease each other and make me go headache. but, at the end of the day, you just forget that. I cant never remember why i scream and yell at them or why they are arguing about yesterday, but i always remember why they laugh over silly things last few days.

do i miss home? yes i do. my parent both are not feeling well. my mom got sick after raya and she needed physio theraphy every single day at the hospital. my dad got tired of travelling, somehow got fainted at the mosque the other day. i feel bad and miserable not being able to attend both parent when they most needed, although i know they are well taken care of by my closest relatives and my brother who lives with them, but still, you cant help feeling bad for not being able to at least visit them.

the other day, i was quite sick that i need to lie down most time. i force myself to wake up for a prayer. i took a minute to gather my energy to stand up, just sitting at the edge of the bed, staring at the prayer mat. i sobbed silently, as i remember my grandmother. on her last few days at home. when each time i came through her bedroom door, and asked her if she would like to pray now. I assisted her to the bathroom and wipe over her wrinkle skinny face, put on her prayer clothes, over her face, nicely. i carried her by hand and body to the chair. and watched her prayed in silent. that point, when i was sitting at the edge of the bed, i wonder how much pain she must be in *sobs* when i came home, i never expected her to go that soon. i thought i came home, she felt better after seeing me, get healthy and then i go back to London. everytime i remembered of her, there are so many emotions going on in me. i hope she died knowing that i really care and love her and whatever bad things i did or said, i never meant it at all. honestly, i didnt get to bid proper goodbye to her. the day my dad sent her to the hospital, i sent her to the car, and i hugged her and said 'u'll come back its okay'. she said she dont know. her red watery eyes. her face. i remembered it SO clearly, it felt like a freeze moment. she did came home. 3 days after that. not as a living person.

its been 6 months.

al-fatihah maktok.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

the D word

I went to see nurse the other day regarding my sugar level thing. I brought along the letter. I've been anxious ever since i received that letter, to be honest. Even so, that did not stop me from eating what i want to eat, although i started to work out slowly. Anyway, I went to see her and first thing she said was 'You look skinny there's no way you can have diabetic'. But she went on to check on my previous blood test results and said 'Well, all in normal range. Nothing to worry'. I asked her what are my sugar level. Mine was 5mmol/l. The range was 3-9 mmol/l. So i sit somewhere in between. I went home feeling so relieved.

A few weeks before that, I bought a book - The 8 week blood sugar diet by Dr Michael Mosley. I cant remember how i came across this book but I bought it anyway on Amazon. I did not expect much as I was not really keen on health-kinda-book. But i went on and read it. The first few chapters was like Kapoww! right on your face. He explains the science behind it. How our body works related to sugar content, etc. All in all, it was a good book. Although the diet programme might not work for me because i am underweight but the foods/diet suggested in these books can benefit anyone who wish to control their sugar level.

According to the book below are the fasting glucose level:-

Normal : 3.9 - 5.5 mmol/l
Prediabetic : 5.6 - 7.0 mmol/l
Diabetic : More than 7.0 mmol/l

It said "There is disagreement about exactly where normal ends and prediabetes begins. The figures above are from The American Diabetic Association. The WHO says normal is under 6.1 mmol/l, while NICE (National Institute of Clinical Excellent) recommends you keep below 5.9 mmol/l"

So, mine is 5 mmol/l. That sits at the border of normal range. I dont have to have a doctor or anyone to say anything to me about this, but I knew the danger if i move to next range. Although pre-diabetic is not yet diagnosed as diabetic but it increased the risk of getting one if one did nothing out of it. There are a few more things he pointed out in the book that seems interesting.

That 'You can be overweight without being diabetic and diabetic without being overweight. In fact, being a skinny Type 2 diabetic can be more dangerous than being a fat one'

There are many more information in this book that even if you are not diabetic, you can go on and read.

I might still have my bad craving on sweet things like chocolate, cake and oreos (why o why they taste so good). Hopefully i can cut that down to once a week. Yesterday, when we went out to dinner at Nandos, I ordered myself a Quinoa Salad rather than a quater chicken with chips. And I also cut down cereal (especially to my kids too) and started making omelette instead. I started drinking unsweetened almond milk (which surprising taste nice). All these - I was trying to change my tastebud to something less sweeter. Because once i get used to it, it'll be easier on other things to resist.

I still want to check my glucose range but pricking my finger myself - er was not an option, so perhaps i might go visit my GP one day for another test.








Friday, July 22, 2016

2nd day of summer holiday

its the second day of summer holiday. guess what? i survived! my routine goes pretty well as of now. kids stay up pretty late up to 10pm. woke up around 9am (that's me :p) breakfast. then work out. yep. i hope i can maintain that every morning. then i spent good 2-3 hours with my kids (just discomnect myself from housework and phones/ipad etc), doing activities. then snack time. by this time it usually past noon so i turn on the tv, head off to the kitchen, close the door and quickly cook for lunch.

after lunch, i clean up the kitchen, myself and all. then izyan nap time. irfan continue with his writting excersice with me (have always to had bribe him with chocolate/juice/lollipop.... or if its not working, ipad is my last solution).  by the time we finish all these, its around 4-ish. at this point, kids are on their own. sometimes i let the kids play outside or i bring them to nearest playground for an hour or so. dinner by 7pm and once the kids showered after that, i let them play on their own or watch tv while i surf the net/read/housework/etc --- so called me time, till their bedtime.

that's my whole life now. in two paragraph. literally.

i tried to spent as much time with my children. i went to so many talks/course or events related to child development and early learning. and i have learnt so much through this. i find my approach is so different to when im a working mum, because i did not learn about it and maybe dont have opportunity to learn about it. it such a shame because i almost jeorpadize my child's development. and it did a bit. but i also learn, nobody is a perfect parent. nor did my parent. they made mistake too. and so do i. i think most of all is the effort that counts. you spent time to go to speech theraphy, you took leave to attend to your sick child, you open up to new ideas, suggestion, approach. dont feel bad about being a bad parent unless you have not made an effort to make it better. and not neccessarily have to be a stay-at-home-mom to solve it all.

my friends around me be it a stay-at-home or a working mom, are always a great example to me. their efforts made me feels to improve more of myself of being a mother. and just because another mother made such an effort, you dont have to feel any less. do it,too. or do it, even better than her.

 so, having used to be working mom and now stay-at-home-mom, im not saying i understand both worlds just because ive been in both. parenting is individual. all im saying, as a mother, efforts count. like when on mothers day, you expect a fancy breakfast with a buoquet of flower but all you got is wish from your kids and husband. then you will say (you WILL say kan?) takpe, its the thought that counts. padahallllllll....................

ok kiding.

mothers oh mothers.

:)

Cold day in july

I've been busy that i almost forget that i have a blog. Ramadhan gone with lots of good memories and learning. Our eid celebrations are not bad, one after another open houses. Alhamdulillah, 3 years living here, my ramadhan and syawal celebration didnt feel any much different from home except that my families are not around.

Summer break starts next week. I've made some plans for the kids during the holidays so that we always look forward to it. Staying with two toddlers at home means I have to make them AND myself occupied, making sure we have different activities everyday, and try to go out every 2-3 days. It seems a lot to juggle but hopefully all goes well.

I never thought it will be a teary moment at Irfan's end of day nursery celebration. The kids perform few song which the last song touched me. i wiped my tears and apparently some other mothers felt the same. oh how time flies. irfan is so lucky to have this kind of opportunity. On the very last day, myself and Irfan made an effort to make cards and wrap presents for the teacher. When each and every teachers received their present, they each read and look through thr cards and said 'did you made the cards irfan? oh what a lovely writting there' (although it took me hours to make him write and draw on the cards -_-" ) but u know such praises made it all worth my time doing it with Irfan.

cold july will end soon. season comes. season goes. 

Friday, June 17, 2016

Cool summer

I definitely cannot complaint. Weather has been very kind to us since the start of ramadhan. Cool, windy, breezy day and night. Its a kind of weather that you can wear cardigans or light jacket (and maybe umbrellas or rain coat), can snuggle in blanket watching tv in daytime and can turn on the fan at night. There's one day when it was raining quite heavily with one or two thunderstorm, i felt very much at 'home'. So blessed with that feeling. I thanked Allah for every drop of water He sent down to us.

But rains also means that we stayed indoor so much. The kids, especially my little one, enjoyed every minute of her time out of the house, even if it justs going to my friend's house which is a couple of doors away from us LOL pity her but it was so entertaining to watch her excitement each time she gets to breath fresh air outside. 

So each time the weather permits, i would definitely make effort to bring her out to park or playground or shopping mall, despite my busy schedule in ramadhan.

This ramadhan so far has been a very productive month for me Alhamdulillah. I thanked Allah for every second he gave me to fill in with valueable things. Apart from tadarus and tarawikh, i joined my friends on few cooking class, making kuih-muih and exchanging them with neighbours and next they plan to make kuih raya togather. Although i thought its bizzare but i love hanging around with them as each time there's always new things i learnt. 

As much that i missed ramadhan at home, I will also missed this kind of ramadhan. 

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Drained

I picked up Irfan from school today and told him that I found his hat at home (we've been searching for it forever). Suddenly he throws tantrum right there at the front door to the point the teacher asked me if it was alright there. It was so embarrassing. Apparently, he was upset because i dont bring the hat and he wanted it right there and then. No point of negotiating because, when a kid (or my kids) throws tantrum, even 1000 reasons wont do let alone a hug or pat on the back. I can only let them have their 'own' time for a while before comforting them.

But it was at school. And I've been fasting for 13 hours and walked about half a mile to his school. I. AM. HORRIBLY. TIRED. I totally had no energy to comfort talk or even do anything. I tried to talk to him for about 5 minutes and since all I get was a yelling of NO, I decided to just keep quite. I walked at his own pace that took us 40 DAMN MINUTES to get home.

Upon reaching home, I was totally drained. Like mentally and physically. He did not even stop crying and wailing. I went upstairs and cried my heart out. He came to the door and said 'Mummy, its alright mummy. Its alright'

Apparently, he stopped crying.





I went down to prepare his after school snacks. I told him not to do that again because it makes me sad. Not sure if he understood it. 





Well, this is one of those days. Those days you wish never come in your life.


Friday, May 27, 2016

Panic attack

I dont know why i always redha at being a kitchen slave. Just yesterday i was ranting how all my life been dedicating in the kitchen as in i made a career out of a chef and today i was up in the kitchen half day since 6am. What is wrong with me? Last night, I told my self ,tomorrow i dont want to cook anything else other than lunch. This morning, i woke up and make bread pudding. While baking it, I switched on the laptop and watched some episodes of the drama that i missed. After breakfast, I went into the kitchen and decided to make a batch of frozen curry puff. Honestly, my hands are still sore of rolling the pastries but i got lunch to make. It was almost 3pm when I stepped out of the kitchen to eat my lunch. You, weird women.

Anyway, i received a letter today from the hospital saying that i need to see a nurse for health check up since my diabetic level is not within normal range. What the heck? I dont want to die because of diabetic! I realise that these past few months, i've been on a horrible diet. My sugar intake was absolutely crazy especially when my period comes. I could finished off a whole bar of chocolate easily. I couldnt care to drink more fluid. I escape dinner most days and eat a lot of junk foods. I dont exercise as much as I should. I look skinny but i feel heavy. I am unhealthy person. I dont really used to these kind of lifestyle before. I am a person who take my health very seriously. Everyday i drink proper 1.5L of water, at least one fruit, 2tbsp of honey day and night, drink juice only from juice maker, proper exercise once a week, and many more. I think I am too busy and eventually, have been neglecting my health. That is sad because it shouldnt be that way. Why in the world would i be too busy with? i just dont have the answer to that. 

I have to get out of this horrible lifestyle before it becomes my comfort zone. 

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Ktichen slave

I thought after the birthday party, that i could get my feet rested due to long hours standing in the kitchen. Apparently, if you have changed your uniform to an apron, you'll be there as long as you are wearing it. I have guests at home for a week that requested me to cook for them. Not a chance of escaping a day off in the kitchen. Then right after that, I joined my fellow neighbours cooking for a group of students visiting London. That's 40 pax altogether.

When i quit my job to become a housewife, I never thought that i will be spending more time in the kitchen than the couch in the living room LOL. Not that I hate it and not that it happened every single day but right this moment, like now, i really wish a day out in Boroughmarket on sunny morning browsing sweet fresh pastries and eating rhubarb tart.

Fasting month is coming soon and personally i cannot wait for it and hope it goes as planned. I have to prep some frozen dessert for break fast. I also looking forward to some activities with my fellow neighbours. Most of them are going back end of this year, and that's sad. Having them around are like families that I could rely on when mine are not here. Irfan's last speech theraphy session (before he goes to reception in september) also in June and lucky for me, Izzal's willing to take him to the session as I will be a bit busy.

So many to tell. So many to write. At the end of my hectic day, I would say 'Oh when all this gonna end?'. But will it end? :)

Signing out,

Kitchen slave

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Birthdays

I told you May is birthday month. Not only my children celebrating their birthday, but also my dad (on 18th) and my sister (on 7th). I always want to host a family birthday celebration in May and its gonna so be much and - party cake for sure. But until then, i just have to wait. Timing is not on my side as of now. 

Today is my dad's birthday. I didnt buy him anything (i did not remember when was the last time i bought him birthday present) but i managed to send him a birthday card from here. We all wished him this morning.. happy birthday yada yada yada... he said that he can only remember his late mother who had gave birth to him on this day. As the only child, I understand his feelings. He may not seem a clingy child but I grew up knowing that he always prioritise his mother above all, although my grandmother seems to be okay on her own. And i know, since my grandmother passed away, he felt so lone and very sad upon thinking about her. 

I prayed to Allah that we live long enough to be with each other, longer. Aamiin.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Party hard

So glad that we were all recovered last week. The first to celebrate was Izyan. Such a lucky girl. I went all over the top, arranging a small birthday party at Children Community Center with other kids her age. Then went for some present shopping, which she chose a nemo cuddle toy. I couldnt expressed of how lucky I am to become a mother of such a girl.

Last weekend, we hosted a small birthday celebration at home for both of them (since both are May babies). We had so much fun. I love my cheap deco (they looked pretty great despite the DIY), the foods are awesome (flipshair, blownails) and the cake was fantastic (thanks to Maziah, my awesome neighbour who also a baker).

That night we opened up all the presents. So excited that this year we got (why do i kept mentioned 'we'? Its like I AM excited, too LOL) the biggest present ever - slide! Izyan loves slide. Its one of her favourite. So yep, we got a slide - in the middle of the living hall! Hurah.

We were all so tired from the party but that didnt stop me from spring cleaning the whole house including the 4 storage room in our house. I cannot believe how can a small house has so many store rooms. Like? What the? Aduh. Takes me ages to pull everything out and stuff things back in system (fine, i just arah2 only. My husband did all the hard work. But i brainstormed of what to put and where to put - and that's hard ppl!)

So, it lasted almost the entire day, my legs was killing me and my hand was sore. I didnt cook that day but lucky us (alhamdulillah), my generous neighbours gave us lunch food and even cakes for tea! How awesome. I love my neighbours. They are the best!

Party's not over! Because today is officially Irfan's birthday so we are planning a small celebration a home. And maybe imma take him out to mall today :)



Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Under the weather

Its a cold Spring. To the point that I had to wear glove and still in my winter jacket. Not to mention that its always windy regardless of the sunshine. And last week,  it even snowed (sleet).

I've got sick persons to follow that, including me. So everybody kind of lack of sleeps and a bit tired. But its all fine. Get into the party spirit that'll come up next week, cant wait! So many things in my mind that I want to do for the party. I am so excited about it, that I changed my menu 3x this week.

Its our third time celebrating the holy month here in London. Although its gonna be a 14 hours fasting period, but I still cannot wait for it. I spent my holy months here differently from Malaysia. Last year, I joined the tadarus group for the first time and I learnt a lot. As much as I am missing all the foods, I am also very happy to make them all on my own. Every day, my table never lacks of foods, thanks to my generous neighbours that I am so grateful of.

Raya is also another thing. Although it is slightly embarrassing to travel all the way from my house to the Malaysia Embassy for Solat Raya in a bus, in our traditional clothes (baju kurung and all) and the whole bus mostly filled with Malaysian that morning (so rombongan cik kiah - or more like banglas lah kan in our country LOL), but we kinda like the spirit - of the gathering and of the Muslim celebration.

I will definitely missed these moments.

But first, lets get recovered ppl.


Tuesday, April 26, 2016

3 years and counting

InshaAllah next year will be the final year. Nothing else i hope for other than - my husband to complete his study in flying colours. Our journey has not been decided by us. It has been written by Him. I am so glad of what we have gone through. The opportunity that came, the challenges that we faced, the happiness in each holiday - I am blessed. Nothing is permanent. Key point is, enjoy the moment. LIVE in the moment. Even in depression or sadness for you want to remember those.

I tried very hard to live in the moment. Because I am so used of thinking about future. From 'what should i do tomorrow' until 'planning your 10th anniversary'. I finished praying that day, and quickly wanted to go down and settle all my works. By the time I finished folding the sejadah, the kids came upstairs and start jumping on the bed and laughing. I could just take this opportunity to run downstairs, tidy up the mess in the living room, wash the dishes and watch my favourite malay drama, while the kids having fun in the bedroom. OR..... I could join them on the bed. I chose the later. Dishes can wait. So the mess. So the malay drama. Oh what fun it is. Laughing, looking out the window bed and watched aeroplane, train, trees and birds. Reading books. Hide and seek in the duvet. I learnt to pause my worklife so that I can enjoy such moments.

People say forgive and forget. I can easily forgive but not forget. I thought that was a bad attitude. But why not? Well this is random. Forget it *wink*

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

10 days after

Tomorrow Irfan is going back to school. I am anxious to start the whole same routine (despite that IT IS a routine) but excited at the same time, just because I got so much things to do, like a few sewing projects that i planned in my head and also, some book reading. I am anxious because I felt like I am not ready to 'resume' back to work LOL. Meal planning is definitely a headache to me. I hope the recipe book that I brought from Malaysia could help me deal with it.

Irfan had a new hair cut that made him look so mature and very brotherly. I missed his curls but since it'll grow, so, thats okay. Next month, both my children are going to celebrate their birthday. When I look at Izyan who will turn 2 years old next month, I thought of how small she is. Irfan was around her age when Izyan was born. Seeing Izyan, I felt pity to Irfan for having a little sister at a very young age and barely have any idea of having another sibling because I certainly cannot imagine Izyan having another younger sibling at this age. Like, I'm turning two and my birthday present is a little brother/sister. So kesian. LOL




Sunday, April 3, 2016

Failing

Yesterday someone asked me about my age. She said I look young. I laughed and said, I may look young but my body is older than I am. I have deep thought about my life ahead. The 'what if'. Sometimes I think my body is failing on me. 

I once read, that a child can remember as early as he/she is 3 years old. Will Irfan remembered that i love him dearly? That I brought him to the park and we played bubbles and kicked balls yesterday? 

I was organising all my photos that i captured while we were back in Malaysia and I came across  a few that reminds me of my late grandmother. I feel so sad. When I'm gone, will my children feel sad? 

You said I talk nonsense. Nothing about i said here are nonsense. 

It. Make. Sense. 


Tuesday, March 1, 2016

23.02.16

It has been more than a week since she's gone. She was not really a chatty person but, the house does feel empty without her. I must have thought of her too much that she came into my dream last night. Looking well and healthy.

My sisters had gone back to their own place. Resuming their life routines. If not of the kids, I would feel devastated by the emptiness left in this house. On second thought, I was too selfish to be thinking that. Imagine my parent when we left for London end of this month.

Maktok always said, she missed her grandchildrens. That my rooms always smell like me and the kids. So she came into my room once in a while. Now, I did the same. To her room. Yes, I missed her and grief whenever I thought of her. But I also dont want the sadness to overcome myself. The house. The room.

The next day was my youngest sister's birthday. We thought she might be too sad to celebrate, but anyway, we did bought her a cake and called a few family members to join for lunch. She shared the room with maktok. That night, she was ready to go to sleep, my dad came in and asked if she really wanted to sleep there. She said ok. 'Betoi? Hang tak takot ka?'. Thanks Abah -_-" My sister quickly pack her pillows and sleep in my parent's room. LOL

If you see my family, you'll see how quickly we moved on. But I know, in our heart, that we always thought of her. Apart from that one occasion, we only talk about funny and good thing of her. Like the slipper she used to wear around the house. I always curi-curi pakai when she's not using it. Then she'll be grunting when its gone. My sister told me not wear it (she said its like hearing maktok walking around the house by the sound of flipping and flopping of the slipper), i said i like it so i will wear it. Its like now i dont have to argue with her anymore to wear this slipper. I don't mean to sound bad but i guess it is just the way we are coping with the sadness, casually.

My grandmother, of all her life, is a very healthy person except that two weeks before she died. In her 70s, she still doing laundry, dishes, and even making ketupat pulut every Raya. She can travel back and forth Kulim-KL with us. She can go outside and read newspaper. So,to come home that day watching her lying down unable to stand on her own is a feeling that i cannot even describe. As much as i am sad to watch her in that condition, I thank Allah for He does not prolong that, for He know, me or my family might not be able to cope with it.

Its true, in any way, that Allah's test for those who can bear it. Either those who suffer the pain. Or the one who watches it.


Hanya dari Engkau kami datang dan kepada Engkau kami kembali, ya Allah.



Che Gayah Binti Arifin
(1933-2016)

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Address

I went to get a new Identification Card today at JPN. The guy at the counter read though the letter from Malaysian Embassy in United Kingdom stating that my purse was lost. We chatted a bit and he said 'Don't come back. Living here is just not the same anymore'. I wasn't shocked. I've heard this thousand times even before I came to London. Financially, I could understand. The other day when I went shopping at Giant for pampers, shampoo, toothbrush, a few foods for the kids, it costs me RM200 for less than 20 items. Its mind blowing.

I actually never thought of living abroad. Migrating was never an option although the idea seems exciting. I enjoyed living abroad but being away from family sometimes can be depressing. Especially when you are the type that used to see each other once in a couple of months. Not that I am the manja type. But I major love family gathering and laughing and make silly jokes over each other.

I don't know what's my next address would be. Wherever it is, I hope i can make it - my home. My. Home.


Travelling

I'm back in my home country. So excited to be here yet so sad to leave my husband in London. He's quite busy with his work that me and the kids had to come back on our own.

Journey was challenging, but manageable. Many times, people are staring at me when I was struggling and almost look like clumsy clown to keep my backpack in the upper luggage compartment. Or when I brought my two kids and squeeze ourselves in the tiny square toilet for diaper changing. Or when I pretend to sleep while my kids going back and forth along our seats (Thank God we got 4 seats in the front row all ourselves). Or when I let my youngest child cried for a while because she's cranky and I'm too sleepy and tired to attend her. But there were also times that people was smiling when they saw my kids goofing and laughing about silly things only they knew. When Irfan sits still and watched movie while I went to the toilet. When they both fell asleep and they gave you a you've-done-well-mummy-look.

I've traveled alone with my kids many times. In a plane, bus, train and car. Its a skill that only will get better with practices. Having said that, doesn't mean that my kids are on their best behaviour all the time. You can never go well for the first nor perfect on the 100th times. But, it will get easier each time.

Ok? :)

So good luck to you.

And me :)


Monday, February 8, 2016

Time

Its been a while since I talked to my grandmother on the phone. When i called home, usually she was sleeping or praying in her room and because i did not want to bother her, i just chatted with my mom. Today when i called home, my mom said that my grandmother was feeling very weak that if i wanted to talk to her, i should just call her cell phone because she might not be coming out of her room.

my grandmother is probably reaching 90s. i never know her birthdate. seeing her weak and all is something that i would have never imagined. all my life that i know her, she always walking and doing house chores around. even in her 70s and 80s. i should have remind myself, that each year im getting older, so does my grandmother. and my parent.

i hope i get to see her soon. when you need time. but you know you cant have it.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Retiring

Since we siblings left home (technically, because there's always one that decide to stick forever -_-"), grew up, studying, married or what-so-ever, my parent seems to be like M.I.A all the time. They have been travelling so much that I could not keep track of their whereabouts. Last month, I saw her instagram that she was in Phuket (yes, i had to stalk her instagram to know where she is). This month, she's going to take some people to Lombok (she even start a travel agency -_-"). The next month, Turkey. I mean seriously ma?

Its no secret that I, too, want to have a retired life like my parent. But i know that doesn't come easy. That involve working hard, save money and spent your money wisely. When I was a child, my parent spent a  lot of time with me. We rarely go shopping (whats more going to toy shop), and mostly spent school holiday, loitering around the neighbourhood with my friends, playing games, etc . But, at least once a year, we went for vacation somewhere within the country. And sometimes it always the same resort/hotel. Apart from wearing the same kind of clothes with my siblings, I always enjoyed the vacation. My parent never went out of the country, except that one time for hajj and the other time my dad went to scotland for some bussiness trip. Not until my dad retired (as far as i remembered). See, they have been saving their whole life to have such a dream retiring life they want. 

But on second thought, maybe i dont. Maybe i just want to grow old in my house, do gardening and own a fruit orchard (sounded like an old lady already -_-") and travel only as far as to my children's house. I've seen and travelled the world (maybe not enough but that'll do for now). Maybe, maybe i want the life the other way round of what my parent had. 


Saturday, January 9, 2016

Farewell gifts

When my friends knew that I was going to move out from the country (temporarily), they threw me a small party and gave me farewell gifts. Some I got to leave behind, but some I brought together with me. I was flipping through some recipes and I found notes from my friends for my farewell wishes. I read them throughly and I suddenly broke into tears. I allowed myself to. I missed them. Although they are physically miles away from me, but they actually very near in my heart. And thanks to technology, i can chat with them all the time (minus the hours difference).

Friday, January 8, 2016

Snow

Its been 3 days since we came back from our winter holiday up north Scotland and yes, I am having a post-vacation syndrome. I just can't get enough of Scotland, ever. The long journey on a night train was totally worth it as I saw how my kids having fun during the trip. Irfan walks a lot and he's been in his best behaviour, despite that we don't bring a buggy with us. When he walked hand in hand with his little sister, I just could not believe of how much he has grown. Such a sweet boy.

I miss the snow. Too bad London is not usually snowing on winter. The last one was in January 2013. Two years later, the snow only last half a day. Each year we are hoping of more snow.  When we went to CairnGorm Mountain, I was totally in awe of how beautiful the place was. How can something so white that you can't even see anything can be so purely beautiful?

It made me wanting to go more to such places. Swiss maybe?






Friday, January 1, 2016

Jan-Oh-Weary

Going into extreme cold weather in a few months ahead. My body is adjusting. Still not used to this kind of weather. We missed the fireworks last night. Don't have the energy to stay up till midnight. 

New year always brings good memories to me. I once went out to town to countdown and watch the fireworks with close friends. Later, we swam into ocean of people, sweats and smelly, drunk and high, trying to find our way out to car park. What a night. I said then, that would be the last time I will be going out on new year eve. 

But I didn't. Few years after, when I worked in United Kingdom, I went out with my friends, through the crowd that were genetically higher and bigger than asian people like me, in and out of train station, and most importantly, through the coldness in London to countdown and watch fireworks at London Eye. Our spot was quite far, but, the fireworks was spectacular. We were in total awe for that 30 minutes or so. 

Never say never. I  might bring kids on new year eve to watch the fireworks. Maybe. Or maybe not.