Motherhood

 Few nights ago, i was feeling pretty upset. My baby had a hard time to get to sleep and my other toddler just wanted me. When i finally get to put the baby to sleep, I went down for dinner thinking that my toddler came down with me. But he was not. He was actually still in the room with the baby, sulking that I went down without him. I was so mad that I had to put the baby sleep again. I yelled him to get out of the room and i broke in tears doing so. For yelling, and for having to put the baby to sleep again. When i nursed my baby to sleep in that dark room, i said to myself, motherhood suck. Motherhood. suck.

That was that night.

Yesterday, I played football with my toddler. His sweetest and cheeky smile. I dont need to elobrate more on that day but motherhood was wonderful! I’d do it all over again if i can.

Having a new baby at this age, 3 more children to look after on top of that, it really shoved me to the edge. I have more burnt out days and nights, not to mention my sleep deprived and body aching. It constantly bugging my mental health too these days. I try hard to stay strong and be in a positive and encouraging circle of friends. When that done, at the end, im back to crying baby. These days all im hearing is a baby crying. It constantly ringing in my ear. 

Everyday, i said, they were all growing up. I’ll just have to bear with it now and be patient. But im missing a lot too. Many times, they went on without me. Why? Because mama has to take care of the baby. and that’s very lonely i think. for being left out. Because sometimes i think, why cant we all togather take care of the baby? But most time. thats not the case.

sincerely,

mother of four.