blessing in disguise

day 4 at the hospital. 

i didnt get enough sleep. the pillow is too hard, my neck hurt. room was too cold i was shivering.i had to neb him every 4 hours and thats a battle. everytime i try to nurse him to sleep, the nurse came to take the temperature, giving out medicine and what not - so i had to start nursing all over again. but at least i dont have to prep the medicine. he had blocked nose, i handed him to the nurse to clear the nose. i dont have to do it on my own struggling with a wailing refused child (the neb is enough for me to deal with thank you). i dont have to clean the nasal aspirator, which is a blessing!

but. for 4 days too.

4 days i didnt do the laundry. i dont have piles of laundry to fold. i didnt cook, so i dont sweat so i didnt bother to even shower yesterday (tho my hair now oily because i didnt wash my hair for 4 days now). 4days, i didnt have to think what to eat. even great, foods come to me 4 times  a day! i dont have to clean up the house. i didnt do the dishes 4 times a day (even if im not cooking!)

i dont want to say out loud that i enjoyed my stay here because whatever it is, im here because my child is sick and NO MOM want her child to get sick. but honestly its a blessing in disguise. i didnt believe myself that i would say this nor its fair for me to say this, because even within this hospital, there’s lot more children that is sicker than mine, more worrying sleepless parent than me. 

i do felt guilty leaving my other children at home in the care of other family member. i felt guilty that my husband had to take care of everything at home despite his very busy schedule and workload at the office. but for this 4 days. 4 days. i tried to not be one. the children asking about me? well its ok. they/ll see me soon. you have work? well, im sorry that u had to go to work. i didnt say out loud (tho i wish i did), but thats what ive been telling myself. instead of feeling guilty, i said, ok. alright. well so it seems. why? i didnt plan for this ‘vacation’ nor i plan my child to get sick. so? why should i felt guilty.

and so, its a blessing in disguise.