Wardahell

You can tell from the title that I've been watching current malay drama Surihati Mr Pilot. Its so funny sometimes my friends and I kept commenting and make jokes over the malay drama. Its more entertaining than the drama itself. *LOL*

I think from the amount of malay drama that Ive been watching, i probably could start writting a novel. Who knows if it'll be published and made into a drama. 

oh btw, my diet gone crash again. somebody was KIND enough to give me a whole box of chocolate. its the celebration box of chocolates - twix, maltese, snickers, you know all those things that made you want to eat it even when you're already halfway to your bedroom to sleep. SO evil lah that chocolates!

but, wardahell. diet can start again when the box is empty. 

2 weeks post birthday

Slightly over a week. my sugar diet gone crash. down. 2 days before, i went to girls lunch and had a cake. yesterday, i ate a chocolate (dont ask how much), and today i went for a cup of latte.  terrible terrible.... but i had to give myself a huge pat on the shoulder like kapawwww pattt... dude, you totally avoid ben's cookies and that's awesome!

but on the good side, 1 week++ is better than nothing. still eating fruits everyday, and veges as main dish and munching on nuts everytime i think im going nuts over sweet things. Also plenty of water to the point i thought my bladder is going to burst.

its not helping though that tomorrow is bake and cake show. darn it.

Week 1 and Week 2 Sugar Diet Journal

Breakfast : Toast/ Eggs/ Avocado Eggs Toast & Almond Milk
Lunch : Nasi Melayu like usual lah
Snacking : Nuts and 2 kind of fruits (no banana)
Dinner : None or leftover lauk pauk tghari without nasi

For the next week ahead, I want to try chia seeds and some western food like the hot lady cook LOL Lots of my friends consume chia seeds and im beginning to wonder how effective it is, not until you try it yourself. i went to holland and barret the other day and bought one packet (half price at GBP2.70 i guess thats a good reason to start using it). buy first then only later googled what to do...


ah thanks to the latte today i can stay up and blogged. LOL

32

yesterday was my birthday. alhamdulillah thank u Allah for the life that you gave me. and my mom whom i truly believe went through all the labour pain to get me out to this world and all the pain she bears after that due to my stubbornness, my words, my acts and whatever i did that might made her feel sad.

what a number. what a celebration. let just say, my favourite month has been so kind to me so far and that's including the weather. its getting a bit cold but a bit of sunshine every other day.

getting older means your body is aging too. i cannot deny that i am scare of my body health. although i did watch what i eat and exercise much as i can, but still its a concern. but at the end of the day, all i want is to be happy AND healthy. i dont really care much about body figures. im super skinny (tho i dont really fancy about being too skinny) but also has flabby arms and extra baby fat around my tummy and sometimes, given certain pose or clothes, i can look hideous. because once, i, too, a super skinny person, being mistaken as a pregnant lady. anyway, i already burnt that dress. at this age, im just going to please myself (but still instagram-able - mesti LOL).

anyway, after too much eating from yesterday, and you know, the summer's eating habit is at worse. totally. so, i have decided to make a change in my diet plan. that will go from today till 8 weeks. i will tell if it makes any different. physically and mentally. semoga istiqomah.

although september is very much ehem favourite, but birthday was over. so i am looking forward to october. we already booked a camping pod in peak district for another nature adventure this coming autumn break. i was told peak district is beautiful in autumn so i hope the weather being nice and we get to explore the place in peace. although i cannot imagine of packing and unpacking for a camping trip. gosh they fill up half the space in the car! the downside of camping is that you have to bring EVERYTHING but in small size/portion. how do you do that???? as much as i am a nature personn, i dont really favour camping. but i give ways to camping pod as they are slightly comfy than the tent LOL

dream

i've had weird dream lately. and they were pretty much based on the k-drama that i watched except that i was in it. lol. #getcarriedaway

this december will marks our three years here. when someone said when will we be coming back home and i said end of next year, dec 2017. she said that's a long way to go. thats what i told myself 3 years ago when we decided to make a move here. and now, it's not that long way to go anymore. 

i am grateful that over the years plus few years before that, i get to explore this queen's land from north to south, west to east. still, there's more places that i wanted to go and see for myself. i want to go to see the longest name of town that you cant possibly pronounce it. i want to see the magical autumn of peak district. the cavern. the mountains and rivers and valleys that never bored me. the scenic train route that wont make u get off the train. surely i will miss this land. 

ah well, i'll be too lucky if i get to travel all i want and i know im not that lucky. cmon. i never win any lucky draw, that the first to tell. 

dream is free. i'll continue to dream all i want. for i know, i will be in it.

summer

we just came back from summer trip in lake district last few days. despite the weather, it was a fun trip. and tiring too. 3 full bags of laundry waiting for us post-vacay. it took my husband half day to do the laundry and more than 30 minutes for me to fold them. phew.

i straight away uploading all the pictures into the computers and started doing the photobook. I enjoy doing them. and i think i'm getting better at it haha.

another one week before the summer holiday ends. and the house will be just two of us, per daily. irfan will start the reception on 6th september oh how time flies. he's such a big and charming boy. i still cuddle him tight and suffocates him with my kisses. Izyan, oh how do i start with her. this cheeky little girl. she surprised me with lots of things. new words, new skills and her smiles oh makes me pinch her cheeks so hard because she's so cute.

my children. everyday they make me scream and yell and they cry and tease each other and make me go headache. but, at the end of the day, you just forget that. I cant never remember why i scream and yell at them or why they are arguing about yesterday, but i always remember why they laugh over silly things last few days.

do i miss home? yes i do. my parent both are not feeling well. my mom got sick after raya and she needed physio theraphy every single day at the hospital. my dad got tired of travelling, somehow got fainted at the mosque the other day. i feel bad and miserable not being able to attend both parent when they most needed, although i know they are well taken care of by my closest relatives and my brother who lives with them, but still, you cant help feeling bad for not being able to at least visit them.

the other day, i was quite sick that i need to lie down most time. i force myself to wake up for a prayer. i took a minute to gather my energy to stand up, just sitting at the edge of the bed, staring at the prayer mat. i sobbed silently, as i remember my grandmother. on her last few days at home. when each time i came through her bedroom door, and asked her if she would like to pray now. I assisted her to the bathroom and wipe over her wrinkle skinny face, put on her prayer clothes, over her face, nicely. i carried her by hand and body to the chair. and watched her prayed in silent. that point, when i was sitting at the edge of the bed, i wonder how much pain she must be in *sobs* when i came home, i never expected her to go that soon. i thought i came home, she felt better after seeing me, get healthy and then i go back to London. everytime i remembered of her, there are so many emotions going on in me. i hope she died knowing that i really care and love her and whatever bad things i did or said, i never meant it at all. honestly, i didnt get to bid proper goodbye to her. the day my dad sent her to the hospital, i sent her to the car, and i hugged her and said 'u'll come back its okay'. she said she dont know. her red watery eyes. her face. i remembered it SO clearly, it felt like a freeze moment. she did came home. 3 days after that. not as a living person.

its been 6 months.

al-fatihah maktok.

the D word

I went to see nurse the other day regarding my sugar level thing. I brought along the letter. I've been anxious ever since i received that letter, to be honest. Even so, that did not stop me from eating what i want to eat, although i started to work out slowly. Anyway, I went to see her and first thing she said was 'You look skinny there's no way you can have diabetic'. But she went on to check on my previous blood test results and said 'Well, all in normal range. Nothing to worry'. I asked her what are my sugar level. Mine was 5mmol/l. The range was 3-9 mmol/l. So i sit somewhere in between. I went home feeling so relieved.

A few weeks before that, I bought a book - The 8 week blood sugar diet by Dr Michael Mosley. I cant remember how i came across this book but I bought it anyway on Amazon. I did not expect much as I was not really keen on health-kinda-book. But i went on and read it. The first few chapters was like Kapoww! right on your face. He explains the science behind it. How our body works related to sugar content, etc. All in all, it was a good book. Although the diet programme might not work for me because i am underweight but the foods/diet suggested in these books can benefit anyone who wish to control their sugar level.

According to the book below are the fasting glucose level:-

Normal : 3.9 - 5.5 mmol/l
Prediabetic : 5.6 - 7.0 mmol/l
Diabetic : More than 7.0 mmol/l

It said "There is disagreement about exactly where normal ends and prediabetes begins. The figures above are from The American Diabetic Association. The WHO says normal is under 6.1 mmol/l, while NICE (National Institute of Clinical Excellent) recommends you keep below 5.9 mmol/l"

So, mine is 5 mmol/l. That sits at the border of normal range. I dont have to have a doctor or anyone to say anything to me about this, but I knew the danger if i move to next range. Although pre-diabetic is not yet diagnosed as diabetic but it increased the risk of getting one if one did nothing out of it. There are a few more things he pointed out in the book that seems interesting.

That 'You can be overweight without being diabetic and diabetic without being overweight. In fact, being a skinny Type 2 diabetic can be more dangerous than being a fat one'

There are many more information in this book that even if you are not diabetic, you can go on and read.

I might still have my bad craving on sweet things like chocolate, cake and oreos (why o why they taste so good). Hopefully i can cut that down to once a week. Yesterday, when we went out to dinner at Nandos, I ordered myself a Quinoa Salad rather than a quater chicken with chips. And I also cut down cereal (especially to my kids too) and started making omelette instead. I started drinking unsweetened almond milk (which surprising taste nice). All these - I was trying to change my tastebud to something less sweeter. Because once i get used to it, it'll be easier on other things to resist.

I still want to check my glucose range but pricking my finger myself - er was not an option, so perhaps i might go visit my GP one day for another test.

2nd day of summer holiday

its the second day of summer holiday. guess what? i survived! my routine goes pretty well as of now. kids stay up pretty late up to 10pm. woke up around 9am (that's me :p) breakfast. then work out. yep. i hope i can maintain that every morning. then i spent good 2-3 hours with my kids (just discomnect myself from housework and phones/ipad etc), doing activities. then snack time. by this time it usually past noon so i turn on the tv, head off to the kitchen, close the door and quickly cook for lunch.

after lunch, i clean up the kitchen, myself and all. then izyan nap time. irfan continue with his writting excersice with me (have always to had bribe him with chocolate/juice/lollipop.... or if its not working, ipad is my last solution).  by the time we finish all these, its around 4-ish. at this point, kids are on their own. sometimes i let the kids play outside or i bring them to nearest playground for an hour or so. dinner by 7pm and once the kids showered after that, i let them play on their own or watch tv while i surf the net/read/housework/etc --- so called me time, till their bedtime.

that's my whole life now. in two paragraph. literally.

i tried to spent as much time with my children. i went to so many talks/course or events related to child development and early learning. and i have learnt so much through this. i find my approach is so different to when im a working mum, because i did not learn about it and maybe dont have opportunity to learn about it. it such a shame because i almost jeorpadize my child's development. and it did a bit. but i also learn, nobody is a perfect parent. nor did my parent. they made mistake too. and so do i. i think most of all is the effort that counts. you spent time to go to speech theraphy, you took leave to attend to your sick child, you open up to new ideas, suggestion, approach. dont feel bad about being a bad parent unless you have not made an effort to make it better. and not neccessarily have to be a stay-at-home-mom to solve it all.

my friends around me be it a stay-at-home or a working mom, are always a great example to me. their efforts made me feels to improve more of myself of being a mother. and just because another mother made such an effort, you dont have to feel any less. do it,too. or do it, even better than her.

 so, having used to be working mom and now stay-at-home-mom, im not saying i understand both worlds just because ive been in both. parenting is individual. all im saying, as a mother, efforts count. like when on mothers day, you expect a fancy breakfast with a buoquet of flower but all you got is wish from your kids and husband. then you will say (you WILL say kan?) takpe, its the thought that counts. padahallllllll....................

ok kiding.

mothers oh mothers.

:)