In a dream that I am not in

When I was 10 years old, my friend was selected for his work to be published in a school year book. He chose to write about his ambition. That day, I sat next to him at school, watching him drawing a picture of future himself. A doctor, he said.  I remember it so clearly that I could draw it all by myself if I would today.

I did not know what I wanted to be. Not until I was 16 years old. I was madly in love with Drawing Engineering and I was pretty good at it. I set my mind to be nothing but an architect. But I set it off too far. I wanted to study architect outside the country. So when my application did not get through, I was depressed. I did not even give a chance to any other option. Besides, my mom said 'Tak payah jadi arkitek. Susah cari kerja nanti'. I am most known as the most stubborn among my siblings. But, sometimes, I don't go beyond what my mom ask not to. Its like a curse.

No doubt, when my cousins and friends get to be an architect, I was jealous. And now, not only I am NOT an architect. I'm just a housewife. When soon Irfan get to fill in the form..

Pekerjaan Ibu : Surirumah sepenuh masa

Just what I wrote back then. See, my mom and I, we are just the same. She was different from me in MANY ways. But funny, how we are like - the same, you know, 'profession-wise' LOL. I once asked my mom about her ambition. She didn't want to tell me. Said it was a secret. I wonder why she was being secretive. Was she ashamed? But she don't have to. I would have understand. I am her now. Only, I was not that great of a housewife compared to her. She's an awesome housewife. Me? I'm just growing old, lazy and fat. Ok fine. I'm slim and pretty good looking. Can't help the old part. Leuls.

I want my children to grow knowing what they want to be. AND work hard to get it. So they dont rant like me over and over again 'Sepatutnya aku jadi arkitek'. Babe, forget the sepatutnya. Nah, slap in the face satu! GET OVER!

As a parent, we want the best for our children. But we don't necessarily know whats the best for them. Betul? I think its right. I tried to introduce to my children about the awesomeness of certain profession. Firemen get to drive the cool fire engine. Policemen get to talk over the walkie talkie. Builders get to climb here and there. Engineer. Herm. Forget Engineer lah Irfan. *joke*

Be whatever you want to be. I'm fine with it. Firemen? Cikgu? Doctor? Football player? Ini tidak. Nak jadi ultraman ultraman ultraman! HUH