ending 2022

what a roller coaster month. it all started with a ‘vacation’ in a hospital to accompany ilhan due to prolong cough. just yesterday i saw a post in instagram said ‘you ever just hope for a small medical emergency with a short hospital stay to give you a break on life for a bit?’ i laughed at it because that was what i wished for desperately on some days. 

then went back home for one week recovery then i drove back to kulim with all my kids (i know, insane). spent 5 days there then drove back to shah alam midweek. kids will continue for school holiday programme at the local mosque so im going to busy myself with housework, groceries and attending to ihsan and ilhan. 

next week, we are planning to go to johor for 4 days and be back before new year.

next year going to be lots of fun, so much planning to much to look forward. pray that it all goes well.

adios 2022.

kuliah dhuha

 today i learnt something very valuable from kuliah dhuha. here’s a key that i remembered from it.

di manakah saat terbaik dalam hidup kita? adakah saat kita menerima anugrah atau pujian dari bos? saat kita melahirkan anak2? saat percutian berbulan madu bersama pasangan? saat terbaik di dalam hidup kita adalah di mana kita hanya mengharapkan pada Tuhan Yang Esa dan saat itu tiada apa melain Dia yang dapat memberi apa yang kita mahukan, itu adalah saat terbaik dalam hidup kita. saat itu, kita berpaling dari dunia yang tidak dapat memberi sedikit apa pun… dan kita seluruhnya bergantungan pada Allah, memohon, meminta, bertawakal dan redha dgn Nya. itu adalah saat terbaik dalam hidup kita.

blessing in disguise

day 4 at the hospital. 

i didnt get enough sleep. the pillow is too hard, my neck hurt. room was too cold i was shivering.i had to neb him every 4 hours and thats a battle. everytime i try to nurse him to sleep, the nurse came to take the temperature, giving out medicine and what not - so i had to start nursing all over again. but at least i dont have to prep the medicine. he had blocked nose, i handed him to the nurse to clear the nose. i dont have to do it on my own struggling with a wailing refused child (the neb is enough for me to deal with thank you). i dont have to clean the nasal aspirator, which is a blessing!

but. for 4 days too.

4 days i didnt do the laundry. i dont have piles of laundry to fold. i didnt cook, so i dont sweat so i didnt bother to even shower yesterday (tho my hair now oily because i didnt wash my hair for 4 days now). 4days, i didnt have to think what to eat. even great, foods come to me 4 times  a day! i dont have to clean up the house. i didnt do the dishes 4 times a day (even if im not cooking!)

i dont want to say out loud that i enjoyed my stay here because whatever it is, im here because my child is sick and NO MOM want her child to get sick. but honestly its a blessing in disguise. i didnt believe myself that i would say this nor its fair for me to say this, because even within this hospital, there’s lot more children that is sicker than mine, more worrying sleepless parent than me. 

i do felt guilty leaving my other children at home in the care of other family member. i felt guilty that my husband had to take care of everything at home despite his very busy schedule and workload at the office. but for this 4 days. 4 days. i tried to not be one. the children asking about me? well its ok. they/ll see me soon. you have work? well, im sorry that u had to go to work. i didnt say out loud (tho i wish i did), but thats what ive been telling myself. instead of feeling guilty, i said, ok. alright. well so it seems. why? i didnt plan for this ‘vacation’ nor i plan my child to get sick. so? why should i felt guilty.

and so, its a blessing in disguise.

Unwell

it seems like the sick baton keep on passing from one family member to another. this time, ilhan got sick. he was coughing for weeks and i decided to bring him to doctor when i saw his breathing was irregular than it used to be. that lead on to us admitted to hospital. he was a bit chesty and need frequent treatment. i was being extra cautious as this was something new to me. before ihsan non of my children got cough to the point it  affected their breathing. so when people asked me is it bad? i dont know what bad is? is bad means your childs turning blue and couldnt even breath properly? or bad as it was a prolong cough he was chesty and he was breathing rapidly than normal but rest assured he was an active child. i couldnt make a word to answer it properly. but my decision to bring him to see the doctor was not just my fully mother instinct but also a textbook information on early sign warning to look at a sick child. of course not all will understand this unless you are a mother. but that was it.

of course going to the hospital is not an easy solution. whether because my children are sick or me going to labour, going away for a few days and leaving my other children, is always an issue to us. one had to work nonetheless, and one had to care for other children. a sick child is worrying but what i wish for despite the sickness that granted upon us, Allah will also granted us other thing, sabr, rezq and most impotantly Allah bring all family member closer than before, not taking things for granted and appreciate each other more.