Tuesday, April 26, 2016

3 years and counting

InshaAllah next year will be the final year. Nothing else i hope for other than - my husband to complete his study in flying colours. Our journey has not been decided by us. It has been written by Him. I am so glad of what we have gone through. The opportunity that came, the challenges that we faced, the happiness in each holiday - I am blessed. Nothing is permanent. Key point is, enjoy the moment. LIVE in the moment. Even in depression or sadness for you want to remember those.

I tried very hard to live in the moment. Because I am so used of thinking about future. From 'what should i do tomorrow' until 'planning your 10th anniversary'. I finished praying that day, and quickly wanted to go down and settle all my works. By the time I finished folding the sejadah, the kids came upstairs and start jumping on the bed and laughing. I could just take this opportunity to run downstairs, tidy up the mess in the living room, wash the dishes and watch my favourite malay drama, while the kids having fun in the bedroom. OR..... I could join them on the bed. I chose the later. Dishes can wait. So the mess. So the malay drama. Oh what fun it is. Laughing, looking out the window bed and watched aeroplane, train, trees and birds. Reading books. Hide and seek in the duvet. I learnt to pause my worklife so that I can enjoy such moments.

People say forgive and forget. I can easily forgive but not forget. I thought that was a bad attitude. But why not? Well this is random. Forget it *wink*

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

10 days after

Tomorrow Irfan is going back to school. I am anxious to start the whole same routine (despite that IT IS a routine) but excited at the same time, just because I got so much things to do, like a few sewing projects that i planned in my head and also, some book reading. I am anxious because I felt like I am not ready to 'resume' back to work LOL. Meal planning is definitely a headache to me. I hope the recipe book that I brought from Malaysia could help me deal with it.

Irfan had a new hair cut that made him look so mature and very brotherly. I missed his curls but since it'll grow, so, thats okay. Next month, both my children are going to celebrate their birthday. When I look at Izyan who will turn 2 years old next month, I thought of how small she is. Irfan was around her age when Izyan was born. Seeing Izyan, I felt pity to Irfan for having a little sister at a very young age and barely have any idea of having another sibling because I certainly cannot imagine Izyan having another younger sibling at this age. Like, I'm turning two and my birthday present is a little brother/sister. So kesian. LOL




Sunday, April 3, 2016

Failing

Yesterday someone asked me about my age. She said I look young. I laughed and said, I may look young but my body is older than I am. I have deep thought about my life ahead. The 'what if'. Sometimes I think my body is failing on me. 

I once read, that a child can remember as early as he/she is 3 years old. Will Irfan remembered that i love him dearly? That I brought him to the park and we played bubbles and kicked balls yesterday? 

I was organising all my photos that i captured while we were back in Malaysia and I came across  a few that reminds me of my late grandmother. I feel so sad. When I'm gone, will my children feel sad? 

You said I talk nonsense. Nothing about i said here are nonsense. 

It. Make. Sense.