Address

I went to get a new Identification Card today at JPN. The guy at the counter read though the letter from Malaysian Embassy in United Kingdom stating that my purse was lost. We chatted a bit and he said 'Don't come back. Living here is just not the same anymore'. I wasn't shocked. I've heard this thousand times even before I came to London. Financially, I could understand. The other day when I went shopping at Giant for pampers, shampoo, toothbrush, a few foods for the kids, it costs me RM200 for less than 20 items. Its mind blowing.

I actually never thought of living abroad. Migrating was never an option although the idea seems exciting. I enjoyed living abroad but being away from family sometimes can be depressing. Especially when you are the type that used to see each other once in a couple of months. Not that I am the manja type. But I major love family gathering and laughing and make silly jokes over each other.

I don't know what's my next address would be. Wherever it is, I hope i can make it - my home. My. Home.

Travelling

I'm back in my home country. So excited to be here yet so sad to leave my husband in London. He's quite busy with his work that me and the kids had to come back on our own.

Journey was challenging, but manageable. Many times, people are staring at me when I was struggling and almost look like clumsy clown to keep my backpack in the upper luggage compartment. Or when I brought my two kids and squeeze ourselves in the tiny square toilet for diaper changing. Or when I pretend to sleep while my kids going back and forth along our seats (Thank God we got 4 seats in the front row all ourselves). Or when I let my youngest child cried for a while because she's cranky and I'm too sleepy and tired to attend her. But there were also times that people was smiling when they saw my kids goofing and laughing about silly things only they knew. When Irfan sits still and watched movie while I went to the toilet. When they both fell asleep and they gave you a you've-done-well-mummy-look.

I've traveled alone with my kids many times. In a plane, bus, train and car. Its a skill that only will get better with practices. Having said that, doesn't mean that my kids are on their best behaviour all the time. You can never go well for the first nor perfect on the 100th times. But, it will get easier each time.

Ok? :)

So good luck to you.

And me :)

Time

Its been a while since I talked to my grandmother on the phone. When i called home, usually she was sleeping or praying in her room and because i did not want to bother her, i just chatted with my mom. Today when i called home, my mom said that my grandmother was feeling very weak that if i wanted to talk to her, i should just call her cell phone because she might not be coming out of her room.

my grandmother is probably reaching 90s. i never know her birthdate. seeing her weak and all is something that i would have never imagined. all my life that i know her, she always walking and doing house chores around. even in her 70s and 80s. i should have remind myself, that each year im getting older, so does my grandmother. and my parent.

i hope i get to see her soon. when you need time. but you know you cant have it.

Retiring

Since we siblings left home (technically, because there's always one that decide to stick forever -_-"), grew up, studying, married or what-so-ever, my parent seems to be like M.I.A all the time. They have been travelling so much that I could not keep track of their whereabouts. Last month, I saw her instagram that she was in Phuket (yes, i had to stalk her instagram to know where she is). This month, she's going to take some people to Lombok (she even start a travel agency -_-"). The next month, Turkey. I mean seriously ma?

Its no secret that I, too, want to have a retired life like my parent. But i know that doesn't come easy. That involve working hard, save money and spent your money wisely. When I was a child, my parent spent a  lot of time with me. We rarely go shopping (whats more going to toy shop), and mostly spent school holiday, loitering around the neighbourhood with my friends, playing games, etc . But, at least once a year, we went for vacation somewhere within the country. And sometimes it always the same resort/hotel. Apart from wearing the same kind of clothes with my siblings, I always enjoyed the vacation. My parent never went out of the country, except that one time for hajj and the other time my dad went to scotland for some bussiness trip. Not until my dad retired (as far as i remembered). See, they have been saving their whole life to have such a dream retiring life they want. 

But on second thought, maybe i dont. Maybe i just want to grow old in my house, do gardening and own a fruit orchard (sounded like an old lady already -_-") and travel only as far as to my children's house. I've seen and travelled the world (maybe not enough but that'll do for now). Maybe, maybe i want the life the other way round of what my parent had. 

Farewell gifts

When my friends knew that I was going to move out from the country (temporarily), they threw me a small party and gave me farewell gifts. Some I got to leave behind, but some I brought together with me. I was flipping through some recipes and I found notes from my friends for my farewell wishes. I read them throughly and I suddenly broke into tears. I allowed myself to. I missed them. Although they are physically miles away from me, but they actually very near in my heart. And thanks to technology, i can chat with them all the time (minus the hours difference).

Snow

Its been 3 days since we came back from our winter holiday up north Scotland and yes, I am having a post-vacation syndrome. I just can't get enough of Scotland, ever. The long journey on a night train was totally worth it as I saw how my kids having fun during the trip. Irfan walks a lot and he's been in his best behaviour, despite that we don't bring a buggy with us. When he walked hand in hand with his little sister, I just could not believe of how much he has grown. Such a sweet boy.

I miss the snow. Too bad London is not usually snowing on winter. The last one was in January 2013. Two years later, the snow only last half a day. Each year we are hoping of more snow.  When we went to CairnGorm Mountain, I was totally in awe of how beautiful the place was. How can something so white that you can't even see anything can be so purely beautiful?

It made me wanting to go more to such places. Swiss maybe?

Jan-Oh-Weary

Going into extreme cold weather in a few months ahead. My body is adjusting. Still not used to this kind of weather. We missed the fireworks last night. Don't have the energy to stay up till midnight. 

New year always brings good memories to me. I once went out to town to countdown and watch the fireworks with close friends. Later, we swam into ocean of people, sweats and smelly, drunk and high, trying to find our way out to car park. What a night. I said then, that would be the last time I will be going out on new year eve. 

But I didn't. Few years after, when I worked in United Kingdom, I went out with my friends, through the crowd that were genetically higher and bigger than asian people like me, in and out of train station, and most importantly, through the coldness in London to countdown and watch fireworks at London Eye. Our spot was quite far, but, the fireworks was spectacular. We were in total awe for that 30 minutes or so. 

Never say never. I  might bring kids on new year eve to watch the fireworks. Maybe. Or maybe not.